The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. John 1:5
I believe the scripture I read and study is the Word of God speaking directly to my heart and so I struggle with this Word this morning. As dawn approaches from another sleepless night, I greeted yet another day in a cloud of despair. Darkness envelopes my soul. And I question: “Why is a dear friend going blind? Why are two friends being ravaged by cancer? A young one struggling with a terminal illness? Unemployment for one; addiction for another? Pending surgery for a loved one? I yearn for words of encouragement and comfort and none come from my place of despair. And I ask God, “Why”? Even putting words on paper seems difficult.
Whenever I go through a period of darkness, I have come to understand that there is something within I am called to let go of. I must come to terms with the idea that I am not in control of the universe. I am not even in control of my own destiny. Surrender comes to mind. Surrender to “what is.” Too often I have viewed God as “the eternal fixer of all that is broken.” And too often, I want things put back together as I see they must be. And I want things (people) fixed now! I recognize my human desire to see life as only light. But God created both! And in the darkness, I must learn to lean. Many thousands of years ago a psalmist who must have been experiencing his own dark night of the soul wrote, “In the shadow of your wings I take refuge until the destruction is past” (Ps 57:1). So I close with my prayer of surrender.
Oh God, who is closer than breathe, I wait in this in-between time of darkness and light. I am hanging onto a shaky limb. Teach me to wait patiently until the dawning of a spark of hope. My caterpillar struggle for freedom and light will end. My soul will emerge in a beautiful spectacle of colors reflecting your true and ever-present light. This I believe and affirm. . Linda