Good morning sweet friend,
Sometimes I read a scripture like the one quoted above and I choose to ignore or gloss over it because I don’t understand it. Or, like it. Of, course, God put this scripture right in from of my nose this morning. Just when I was having myself a good pity party. “Consider joy when you are going through trials?” I put the question mark in red. I made it a question, not a request. So, I took to my journal and because I’m trying to be honest and vulnerable on this journey of sorrow, I have included some select notes from my journal:
I don’t want wisdom. I want relief. Linda, I wrote, become better, not bitter. How can I be better without Jim? What is my new normal? I didn’t choose this suffering. Then, from deep within my soul, this scripture came to mind: “The devil intended this to harm you, but God can (and will) use it for good” (Genesis 50:20) .
I used the Comic Sans font because that is how I felt. How can God use this suffering? Upon reflection, I realized that I have a responsibility. God gave me respond-ability. I can choose to become bitter or better. So, for right this moment, I am considering joy and by golly, I found some. Todd helped me plant some flowers this morning. I contemplated seeds and thought maybe, for now, that’s enough for God. To consider looking for seeds of joy which in biblical terms means “calm delight.” Writing for you now requires me to focus my thoughts, “set my mind on higher things“(Colossians 3). Paul also said “to clothe myself with kindness and gentleness.” I will stop being so judgmental about my grief and allow God to plant seeds of joy. I can’t predict the future, but I can trust God with my journey.
So dear one, if your soul is troubled, be gentle with yourself knowing God is working out, even this, for good.